TAG TEAM TUESDAY!

El presidente Obama recently announced that he supports same-sex marriage, which is pretty sweet, considering today’s TAG TEAM TUESDAY brings us one very homoerotic duo! Fabulously sporting the bleachest of blonde hair and matching bright red outfits, this tasty tandem, along with their personal stylist, Rico, was the talk of the tag team division for over a year! My fiercely flamboyant followers, your super terrific tag team on this dazzling Tuesday is… BILLY & CHUCK!

finisher: Code Red
crowning achievements: 2-Time WWF/E World Tag Team Champions, Pro Wrestling Illustrated’s 2002 Tag Team of the Year
why they’re awesome: GAYEST… TAG TEAM… EVER!

It’s Teacher Appreciation Week! Let’s celebrate everyone’s favorite grapplin’ educator! This rare wrestling intellect took great pleasure in lecturing his opponents and fans, much to their dismay. Not only was he a fantastic teacher, but also a student of the sport of professional wrestling, often taking notes at ringside on his upcoming opponents. My playful pupils, today’s WRESTLER OF THE DAY is none other than “The Dean of the World Wrestling Federation”… DEAN DOUGLAS!

finisher: Final Exam
crowning achievement: WWF Intercontinental Champion
why he’s awesome: His weapon of choice was a paddle, dubbed “The Board of Education.”

CLASS DISMISSED!

It’s certainly a somber day here at WRESTLER OF THE DAY. Nine years ago today marks the death of the “First Lady of Wrestling.” There had been women in wrestling before her, and certainly many have since come and gone, but there has never, AND WILL NEVER, be another beauty with the grace, innocence, and charm like today’s lovely honoree. She was the woman who tamed the “Macho Man,” and made each and EVERY male wrestling fan weak in the knees and hard in the pants. My beautiful babes, it’s time we celebrate the life of… MISS ELIZABETH!

wrestlers managed: Randy Savage (she’s managed more, but really, who cares?)
crowning achievement: 1987 Slammy Award for Woman of the Year
why she’s awesome: The wedding of Miss Elizabeth and Randy Savage, dubbed A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN, at SummerSlam ‘91 will forever hold a spot in our hearts. Unfortunately, the dastardly duo of Jake “The Snake” Roberts and The Undertaker crashed their elegant reception and caused quite the ruckus. Assholes.

Rest in peace, ‘Lizabeth.

It’s National Plumber’s Day! Flush those midweek blues away, kids! Donning a poo-stained tank top, low-hanging jeans, and his favorite plunger, Betsy, in hand, this titan of the toilet entered our hearts to “flush out the dirt and grime of the World Wrestling Federation.” After his victories (as if losing to a plumber wasn’t bad enough), this bathroom bruiser would celebrate by stickin’ ol’ Betsy in his opponent’s face. Ain’t that some SHIT (pun intended)! My lavatory lovers, your WRESTLER OF THE DAY is everyone’s favorite wrasslin’ plumber… T.L. HOPPER!

finisher: Down the Drain
crowning achievement: His HUGE win over Duke “The Dumpster” Droese on an episode of WWF Superstars, in which Jim Ross dubbed a “Home Improvement Match.”
why he’s awesome: While he didn’t wrestle on any WWF pay-per-view cards, he was called upon at the “Bikini Beach Blast-Off” to investigate a “brown object” floating in the pool! He ended up eating it. Shocking, I know!

TAG TEAM TUESDAY!

HERE COMES THE HOTSTEPPER! This TAG TEAM TUESDAY brings us a duo just lookin’ for a good time, both in and out of the ring! These two rappin’ wrasslers truly loved and embraced the growing hip hop culture of the early 90s, and brought the East Coast feel good style and swagger to the world of wrestling. My hip hotsteppers, your today’s terrific tag team is… THE PUBLIC ENEMY!

members: Rocco Rock & Johnny Grunge
finishing move: Drive-By
crowning achievements: 4-time ECW Tag Team Champions, WCW World Tag Team Champions, NWA World Tag Team Champions
why they’re awesome: They were involved in two of the most memorable moments in ECW history: being buried alive underneath a chair-filled ring at Hardcore Heaven ‘94 and causing the ring to collapse during an after-match celebration during Heatwave Tour ‘95!

Normally, we’d celebrate 4/20 by honoring a cannabis consuming grappler (RVD? Jeff Hardy?), but today also happens to be the anniversary of the death of one of the most RAVISHING wrestlers to ever live! This chiseled-from-stone alpha male was arguably the most loathed man of his era, diabolically gyrating those sexy hips like no man we’ve ever seen before. This charismatic pretty-boy bad guy had it all: washboard abs, oiled-up physique, hair of legendary stature, airbrushed tights, and of course, THAT MUSATCHE, all of which added up to a man who happened to be one of the most beautiful specimens to ever grace the squared circle! Brace yourselves, ladies, because today’s WRESTLER OF THE DAY is one sensual and seductive panty dropper… “RAVISHING” RICK RUDE!

finisher: Rude Awakening (which also happens to be the name of the kiss he planted on female audience members…)
crowning achievements: WCW United States Heavyweight Champion, 3-Time WCW International World Heavyweight Champion, WWF Intercontinental Champion, 1987 Jesse “The Body” Award, Wrestling Observer Newsletter’s 1992 Best Heel, Pro Wrestling Illustrated’s 1992 Most Hated Wrestler of the Year
why he’s awesome: Wore tights with a picture of Jake Roberts’ wife, Cheryl, airbrushed on the crotch!

My you rest in peace, RAVISHING ONE.

Hey hussies, your taxes are due today! Please remember to “QUIT YOUR CRYING AND PAY WHAT’S DUE, OR I.R.S. WILL AUDIT YOU!” Sporting a white button down, red suspenders, and a silky sweet necktie (WHILE WRESTLING, nonetheless!), this tax collectin’ grappler meant business, and set out to find and punish all those tax cheats in the World Wrestling Federation! Today’s WRESTLER OF THE DAY is everyone’s favorite wrestling tax man… IRWIN R. SCHYSTER!

finishers: The Write-Off, Stock Market Crash
crowning achievements: 3-Time WWF Tag Team Champion
why he’s awesome: Accused Tatanka of failing to pay a gift tax on his sacred headdress!

We have a Hump Day BIRTHDAY! And it’s a certain HARDCORE CHAIR SWINGIN’ FREAK! When AC/DC’s “Big Balls” pumped through the arena, fans knew they were about to be delighted with a mat clinic full of technical wrestling’s finest maneuvers. Kidding. They fully expected an all-out brawl and a dozen chair shots dished out by one of the ugliest wrestlers we’ve ever seen! And that’s exactly what was delivered! WRESTLER OF THE DAY would like to wish a very HAPPY 40th BIRTHDAY to the grody grappler who’s bringin’ the BALLS to this heinous Hump Day… BALLS MAHONEY!

finisher: Nutcracker Suite
crowning achievement: 3-Time ECW World Tag Team Champion
why he’s awesome: HE’S GOT THE BIGGEST BALLLLLLS OF THEM ALL!

TAG TEAM TUESDAY!

And it’s National Farm Animals Day! Some things just work out in our favor, like being able to honor this hog farming duo on a day that is surely near and dear to their hearts! Donning denim overalls and mud-covered boots, these fun-loving wrasslin’ rednecks hog-slopped anyone and anything that stood in their way! My barnyard babes, let’s celebrate this wonderful holiday by honoring… THE GODWINNS!

members: Henry O. & Phineas I. 
finishers: Double Slop Drop
crowning achievements: 2-Time WWF Tag Team Champions, Pro Wrestling Illustrated’s 1996 & 1997 Worst Tag Team
why they’re awesome: Their full names were Henry O. Godwinn and Phineas I. Godwinn. I’ll let you figure out the joke there.

FACTION FRIDAY!

It’s been a hot minute! Today’s gloriously grungy group is a true band of misfits, lead by one of the biggest social outcasts in wrestling history, who openly abused and controlled his wacky lackeys. Instead of joining the other wrestlers in the locker room, this unkempt clan could be found hanging around in the crowd at ringside, probably listening to Pearl Jam or some bullshit like that.  Bitches and gentlemen, it’s time we “Quoth the Raven, Nevermore” as we honor today’s filthy faction… THE FLOCK!

members: Raven, Stevie Richards, Kidman, Hammer, Horace, Reese, Lodi, Kanyon, Saturn, Sick Boy, Riggs
crowning achievements: WCW United States Heavyweight Champion (Raven), WCW World Television Champion (Saturn), WCW World Tag Team Champions (Raven & Saturn)
why they’re awesome: Consisted of such derelicts as a heavy metal rocker, a heroin addict, the wrestler formerly known as Mortis, a homeless man, Hulk Hogan’s nephew, and a man donning an eye patch!

WOMAN WEDNESDAY!

And with WrestleMania XXVIII right around the corner, why not celebrate with this spunky sister who helped put the original WrestleMania on the map! This perky pop star was a main player in the alliance between music and wrestling, known as the Rock ‘n’ Wrestling Connection, which catapulted the WWF into the pop culture stratosphere! Your lively lady on this huuuuuuge HUMP DAY is the girl who just wants to have fun… CYNDI LAUPER!

wrestlers managed: Wendi Richter
crowning achievement: Was joined on stage by her “bodyguard” Hulk Hogan at the 1985 Grammy Awards, when she won the award for Best New Artist
why she’s awesome: Her “The Goonies ‘R’ Good Enough” music video featured some of the biggest names in wrestling at the time, including Andre the Giant, Captain Lou, “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, Wendi Richter, Iron Sheik, and Freddie Blassie!

TAG TEAM TUESDAY!

“Here comes the AX… Here comes the SMASHER… THE DEMOLITION, walking disaster!” Twenty-four years ago today, these boys in bondage gear defeated Strike Force at WrestleMania IV to capture their first WWF Tag Team Championship! From there, they continued to reign supreme over a VERY talent-rich tag division, using nothing but brute strength and intimidation! My DEMOLITION DECAPITATORS, today’s terrifying tag team is… DEMOLITION!

members: Ax, Smash, & Crush
finisher: Demolition Decapitation
crowning achievement: 3-Time WWF Tag Team Champions
why they’re awesome: They’re the ONLY tag team in history to walk out as champions at three straight WrestleManias (IV, V, and VI)!

MANAGER MONDAY!

Today’s honoree is by far the smartest man we’ve ever honored (apologies to The Berzerker), and he’d certainly agree! Once an amazing high-flyer, he decided to turn his attention to two things: managing and writing poetry! Donning an academic cap and gown to the ring, this highly intelligent talent found joy in ridiculing others, especially through poetry.  But it wasn’t until he served as “executive consultant” for Mr. Perfect that he really shined as a manager, because the two of them made heel magic together, as evidenced in these PERFECT vignettes! My bodacious brainiacs, your manager on this masterful Monday is… THE GENIUS!

finisher: Honor Roll
wrestlers managed: Mr. Perfect, Beverly Brothers
crowning achievement: Defeated WWF Champion Hulk Hogan on the November 25, 1989 edition of Saturday Night Main Event!
why he’s awesome: Read the proclamation at Randy Savage’s coronation, announcing him as the “Macho King” for the very first time!